Samantha Bee pulls a Sean Hannity to weave a dark conspiracy theory about Hannity and Michael Cohen

Samantha Bee ended Full Frontal’s two-week hiatus with an occasionally NSFW recap of the past week, from “election-ruining giant” James Comey’s “creeping Trump gossip fatigue” book tour to outgoing House Speaker Paul Ryan’s big announcement. “For the first time in his political career, Paul Ryan has offered the nation something we actually want: his retirement,” Bee said. After thrashing Ryan and his legacy for a few minutes, she used Beyoncé’s Coachella performance to show that it’s not really that hard to hire women and people of color, proving her point with 10 black people doing Jerry Seinfeld impressions.

Then Bee turned to the news that President Trump’s lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen also apparently worked for Sean Hannity. “Why the f–k did Sean Hannity — the guy who made $36 million last year? — retain a graduate of the actual worst law school in the country, a guy who’s whole business model seems to be built around blackmailing mistresses?” she asked. Hannity said he innocently asked Cohen “exclusively almost” about real estate, but Bee decided he “must have done something so much worse” than infidelity. She had a suggestion, keying off a clip where a lawyer said Cohen knows “where all the bodies are buried.” “Whoa, is Sean Hannity a serial killer?” Bee asked, melodramatically.

“I know what you’re thinking: You can’t just throw together a bunch of scary buzzwords and out-of-context clips to support an outrageous conclusion, and normally I would agree with you,” Bee said. “But you know who does that all the time? Sean Hannity.” She showed some examples. “His whole show is just an hour-long list of lies and conspiracy theories, but people think it’s news because he doesn’t sweat as much as Alex Jones and because he’s on a channel that calls itself news,” …read more

Source:: The Week – Lifestyle

      

Jordan Klepper and Niccole Thurman introduce non-Fox News viewers to Diamond and Silk

“If last week, you were in some sort of hostage situation, eyes pried open, forced to watch the democratic process on C-SPAN,” you’d have noticed that “during the Capitol Hill Facebook hearings, two names kept popping up,” Jordan Klepper said on Wednesday’s The Opposition. “Yes, Diamond and Silk got mentioned a lot last week as examples of conservative speech getting silenced. But who are these two?” To answer that question, Klepper brought on “Diamond and Silk super-fan Niccole Thurman,” who ran through the sisters’ story from Democrats with very few YouTube viewers to pro-Trump superstars.

After their first pro-Trump video went viral, “just like millions of poor white people and 22 black people, they got on board the Trump Train and started making videos defending him,” Thurman said. She played examples of their work, showed how they rose up the ladder at Fox News, and threw plenty of shade. “No wonder why Fox loves them so much! They are like the hot sauce at the all-mayonnaise Fox barbecue.” Klepper saw the appeal. “You know, with so many people yelling about race stuff in America right now, it’s very comforting for me to know the biological sisters are on my side,” he said. Watch below.

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Source:: The Week – Lifestyle

      

Trevor Noah and Jordan Klepper have theories on what Sean Hannity is hiding about his Michael Cohen ties

On Tuesday’s Daily Show, Trevor Noah returned to Sean Hannity’s newly uncovered relationship with President Trump’s lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen, and he focused on Hannity’s confusing and improbable explanation for why he isn’t Cohen’s law client, despite Cohen’s assertion to the contrary.

Whatever legal advice he solicited from Cohen, “why didn’t Hannity get it from his regular attorney, instead of turning to a guy who’s specifically known for paying off mistresses?” Noah asked. Hannity insisted it’s not what it looks like, but he fudged a bit. “Wow, he really slipped in the ‘almost’ there,” he said. “He was, like, ‘All my questions to Michael Cohen were exclusively almost real estate.’ … You can’t say ‘exclusively almost.’ ‘Exclusively almost’ is the kind of phrase that makes people ask more questions. If someone tells you that they ‘exclusively almost’ have sex with adults, you’re not hiring them to babysit your kids.”

Hannity offered a slightly different explanation on his radio show, but what really got Noah is “how casually Hannity is trying to minimize his connection to Michael Cohen, like it means nothing — especially when every other day of the year, he’s the guy who can bake a conspiracy cake out of nothing more than an egg and the word ‘Hillary.'” He presented his own theory “to bust this whole Hannity-Michael Cohen story wide open,” then illustrated Hannity’s dilemma with a deleted scene “exclusively almost” from Star Wars.

Jordan Klepper had his own theory at The Opposition. Yes, Cohen is “the Atticus Finch of getting women to shut up about affairs — allegedly,” he said, but if you listen to Hannity, it’s clear “this isn’t some tawdry woman-silencing hush deal. Hannity was just talking to Cohen about real estate. So everyone should just relax, because it’s obvious what happened: Sean Hannity f—ed …read more

Source:: The Week – Lifestyle

      

Stephen Colbert and the Wu-Tang Clan fight Jeff Sessions for the lost Wu-Tang album

Lawyers for President Trump and his lawyer/fixer, Michael Cohen, were in court Monday, asking a federal judge to let them see files the FBI seized from Cohen before federal prosecutors get a chance. “And the judge said, and I quote, ‘Heh heh no,'” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday’s Late Show. “Cohen is in all sorts of shady dealings — Shady Dealings, by the way, the next porn star,” allegedly, Colbert said, and sources say that even Trump and people at the Trump Organization don’t really know about all of Cohen’s deals.

Porn star Stormy Daniels, who was also at Monday’s court hearing, released a sketch on Tuesday of the man she says threatened her to keep quiet about her purported affair with Trump. “There he is, the man who threatened her,” Colbert said, showing the sketch: “The love child of Willem Dafoe, Tom Brady, and Bon Jovi.” He even had some video of the guy.

Kendrick Lamar’s Pulitzer for his rap opus Damn “is a really big deal, because it’s the first non-classical, non-jazz Pulitzer Prize winner in history,” Colbert said. “So it’s official: Rap is dead. It’s now going to be destroyed by college poetry professors with the elbow patches.” That led to that Wu-Tang Clan album that pharma bro Martin Shkreli bought the only copy of for $2 million.

“Unfortunately, Shkreli came down with an acute case of goingtojail, so he was forced to turn the album over to the Department of Justice, which means that, believe it or not, the forfeited Wu-Tang album is now in Jeff Sessions’ hands,” Colbert said. “He could be staring at the album cover right now, trying to figure out how there are nine black men he hasn’t put in jail yet.” He brought …read more

Source:: The Week – Lifestyle

      

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