Stephen Colbert wonders why nobody is even pretending Michael Cohen is innocent

Everybody is talking about President Trump’s peace efforts with North Korea, Stephen Colbert said on Thursday’s Late Show. “The president is busy preparing for the possible summit by not preparing,” he said. “He’s gonna wing it with a nuclear madman. That’s like your surgeon going, ‘We’re just going to open you up and improvise.” But if things don’t go well with Kim Jong Un, Trump has an exit strategy. “What does he mean, he’ll leave if the meeting is ‘not fruitful’?” Colbert asked. “I mean, do either of these guys look like they know what a fruit is?”

Trump may not have any plan when it comes to personal lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen, Colbert said. “Apparently, Trump and his advisers are increasingly worried that Cohen might be susceptible to cooperating with federal prosecutors. The obvious answers: Michael Cohen just pays himself $130,000 to shut up.”

One of Trump’s legal advisers wondered how many years in prison Cohen would have to face to flip, and Colbert found the upper range a little implausible: “Fifteen years loyal? Michael Cohen disclosed Sean Hannity’s name in court after being asked twice. He’s not 5 minutes loyal. And, let’s just pause a moment to notice that they have jumped immediately to whether Michael Cohen will turn state’s evidence against the president of the United States to avoid jail time — which everybody believes is coming for at least one of these guys. The word ‘innocent’ is nowhere in this conversation. Even Justice is like, ‘I’m blind, but I can smell fear.'” He had some advice for Cohen, too, and it involved not fishing in Lake Tahoe. Watch below.

…read more

Source:: The Week – Lifestyle

      

Jimmy Kimmel has an adorable 3rd grader explain ‘fake news’ to Trump — and everyone else

President Trump sent off his first tweet mentioning Stormy Daniels on Wednesday morning, commenting on a post by a Scottish Trump super-fan comparing the sketch Daniels released of the man she said threatened her to keep quiet about Trump with a photo of her ex-husband. Jimmy Kimmel had a little background on the Scottish woman who started the meme, suggesting Trump get a restraining order against her, but he found the entire episode “absolutely nuts. Reportedly, his advisers tried to convince him that he would only make things worse if he addressed this on Twitter,” Kimmel said on Wednesday’s Kimmel Live, “but you know that’s like telling a 4-year-old with a squirt gun not to shoot you with it — you’re going to get wet.”

“So he tweeted, and he called it ‘fake news,’ which is his thing,” Kimmel said. “President Trump seems to be confused about what is and isn’t fake news, so to help out — because we’re all about helping out here at this show — we asked a local third grader named Noah to break it down for the president in a very simple way.” And Noah, 9, did just that, adorably and concisely. Watch below.

…read more

Source:: The Week – Lifestyle

      

Cynthia Nixon tells Stephen Colbert why she’s 100 percent serious about becoming New York’s governor

Stephen Colbert began Wednesday’s Late Show interview with actress and gubernatorial candidate Cynthia Nixon by warning New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) to watch out for his “formidable opponent,” because Nixon beat Colbert for a Grammy. He asked why Nixon was running under the banner “Cynthia for New York,” not the more alliterative “Nixon for New York”? “My mother used to say that she grew up during World War II with a father named Adolph and then she lived through the 1970s with a husband named Nixon,” she replied. “So I am aware of the dubious nature of my last name, but I have to say, if I was given a choice, I’d rather be the good Nixon than the bad Cuomo.”

Nixon said she’s running for governor “because I’m a lifelong New Yorker, and I love this state, and I just know we could do so much better.” Colbert stopped her when she said Cuomo is governing like a Republican, asking for specifics. Nixon replied that New York should fully fund public education and be more like California and Oregon in leading the way on renewable energy, campaign finance reform, voting rights, and criminal justice reform.

Nixon said she’s 100 percent serious about becoming governor, and Colbert stepped in to play “the governor’s advocate,” asking her if “we need another celebrity in office,” and “should governor of New York be the first job you have” in politics? Nixon said she’s not at all like President Trump, and celebrity is just a platform, and what matters is how you use it. She explained her support for legalizing recreational marijuana as primarily “a racial justice issue,” not a drug one. “For all intents and purposes, for white people, marijuana has … effectively been legal for a long time,” she said, …read more

Source:: The Week – Lifestyle

      

Samantha Bee pulls a Sean Hannity to weave a dark conspiracy theory about Hannity and Michael Cohen

Samantha Bee ended Full Frontal’s two-week hiatus with an occasionally NSFW recap of the past week, from “election-ruining giant” James Comey’s “creeping Trump gossip fatigue” book tour to outgoing House Speaker Paul Ryan’s big announcement. “For the first time in his political career, Paul Ryan has offered the nation something we actually want: his retirement,” Bee said. After thrashing Ryan and his legacy for a few minutes, she used Beyoncé’s Coachella performance to show that it’s not really that hard to hire women and people of color, proving her point with 10 black people doing Jerry Seinfeld impressions.

Then Bee turned to the news that President Trump’s lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen also apparently worked for Sean Hannity. “Why the f–k did Sean Hannity — the guy who made $36 million last year? — retain a graduate of the actual worst law school in the country, a guy who’s whole business model seems to be built around blackmailing mistresses?” she asked. Hannity said he innocently asked Cohen “exclusively almost” about real estate, but Bee decided he “must have done something so much worse” than infidelity. She had a suggestion, keying off a clip where a lawyer said Cohen knows “where all the bodies are buried.” “Whoa, is Sean Hannity a serial killer?” Bee asked, melodramatically.

“I know what you’re thinking: You can’t just throw together a bunch of scary buzzwords and out-of-context clips to support an outrageous conclusion, and normally I would agree with you,” Bee said. “But you know who does that all the time? Sean Hannity.” She showed some examples. “His whole show is just an hour-long list of lies and conspiracy theories, but people think it’s news because he doesn’t sweat as much as Alex Jones and because he’s on a channel that calls itself news,” …read more

Source:: The Week – Lifestyle

      

1 2 3 14