Carolyn Hax: She cheated with a married man, should I trust her?


DEAR CAROLYN: I recently began an invigorating flirtation with a woman at work — movies, jogging after work, dinner at home, etc. Last week she told me she’d been involved in an extended affair with a married man three or four years earlier. She was also living with another man at the time. The news came as a huge disappointment, and I’m wondering how much importance to attach to her history of lengthy deception.

Portland, Oregon

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DEAR PORTLAND: I think there’s a risk of your blowing this out of proportion, so I’ll be conservative and put its importance somewhere between “staggering” and “colossal.”

Integrity isn’t just a four-syllable word. If this woman doesn’t have it, the jogging better be awfully good.

Note the flagrant use of “if.” I could argue that her long-term deceptions guarantee she’s integrity-starved, but that would deny her the opportunity almost every one of us wants out of life at least once: to be able to make a godawful mistake, to have an epiphany as a result, and to be accepted ever after for both the epiphany and the mistake, and not merely …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle


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